Don't Try So Hard, Liz!

I have wanted to do a television show for quite some time. 

For 18 months I have allowed myself to verbalize this wish, but for many years, I have been fascinated with all things television.  Head cocked, chin resting on my palm, eyes blurred, dreaming, magically sucked in the box and dancing around the screen, the glass separating me from you.

The "why not" excuses are many.  I have no experience.  The advent of social networking and internet media signally the conclusion of television as we know it.  Des Moines, Iowa not exactly the metropolis that will support a television phenom. 

Only one "why."  Because I know it.  Okay, maybe two "why's."  Because I feel it so deep in my bones that this goal I am hurdling towards is the doorway to my destiny.

I have been talking about this for a year.  First a larger company was going to take me on.  The partner lost interest.  Another smaller talent offered her support.  The timing was not right.  Yet another was interested  but I was unsure of their quality.  One more did not have time.  All the other pictures on my vision board became reality so quickly.  This one seemed mired in the mud of disinterest. 

I thought I had finally found redemption a few months ago.  A backer.  Someone who wanted to cover those heavy costs to get me, the unknown, on the air.  Then, what I thought were the final nails in the coffin as I sat between my benefactor and a producer.  "How are we going to make money on this," my sugar daddy spoke in a flat tone, "with this price tag."

Driving home to discuss the moment with my partner, I could feel the sick feeling of inevitability rolling in my stomach.  I was churning and thrashing.  So much effort but getting nowhere.  I gave it a rest out of a deep seated subconscious resignation.  It reminded me of giving birth.  I didn't know how to push at first; I held my breath, emulating soap opera stars.  Real pushing was painful and brought results. 

Writing would be my reason.  I outlined a few chapters of my book and set to work.  Always something to accomplish even if this was not my time.  One producer kept calling me.  The only producer my backer didn't want to work with.  Classic.  Then, an e-mail.  "I've called your backer and we cleared the air.  Call me." 

No way.  I called him in utter disbelief.  Yes, it was true.  They had talked.  They had resolved the issues.  While I was sitting on my bed, writing poetic fodder about creating life-changing vision, the producer and backer had reached a conclusion. 

The show will air in April.  There will be many more "why nots."  It might be about the quality, the timing, the content.  This time, I will not waver in my race.  I see my best life.  The path may not always be evident to anyone, even to me, but it is there.  The brush will be cleared and the barriers removed.  I only need to make the most of my present, leaving the rest to my faith.  I will be excited.  I will look forward to the unfolding of my destiny with the eagerness of a child.  I will not be afraid to fall down, to look foolish, to fail.  Failure will only come from allowing the unhappened future to interfere with the gift of today.

"Once you have had a glimpse of (today), you know it firsthand.  It is no longer just a concept in your mind. You can then make a conscious choice to be present rather than to indulge in useless thinking."