Peace at all Costs?

Peace at all Costs?

What's your goal?  Do you want everything to be straight, narrow, focused, without turbulence?  Peace at all costs?

I had a fight with my husband this weekend.  Nothing spectacular, a top three subject of discord among couples, about money.  We love each other, this man and I; there is a passion we have that is hard to describe and impossible to explain.  Our personalities so different, our sunny days are downright inspiring.  The dark days are equally scary.

So it's no surprise that I avoid potential battles.  I'm admittedly intense, but kind of happy-go-lucky.  I prefer the decadent lunch meetings, networking parties, silly movies, the satisfaction of personal connection.  He is the opposite, his eyes always flickering and scanning as he thinks about how to protect us. It's a military trait, learned from 20 years of processing every possible risk.  The loss of life his deterrant. 

We have a dance then, my cheerful nature always desiring more fun, a modern day Mary Poppins, breaking the rules and sweetly deferring.  He feels the weight of whatever is on the horizon, trips to make, finances to change, children to raise.  Secretly I do think about these things.  I try to anticipate what is needed, paying bills, buying the groceries, cleaning the clothes while he is away.  But the truth is I don't like to face these things.   He makes me face them.

We finally talked, he expressed his feelings that are often overlooked.  I cried mainly from the stress of finally having to deal with what I always avoid.  Nothing pretty or skillful about our encounter.  Some things remain unresolved.  Other items can be checked off. 

It's not a popular thing, to fight with the elements of life.  We are told not to take it personally, that those nasty events must somehow be your fault.  We can feel the collective relief of those around us, so grateful that they are not us as we travel a difficult moment.  So we pretend.  We act as if everything is easier than it is.  We try not to want to much, to ask for too much, to paste on the smile like a fake mustache.  Of course everyone can tell the mustache is fake.  It sits askew as the irritation levels rise.

Much better to be unapologetic.  This is my life, a mix bag of fun and challenging and today, I must take off my gloves and get in the fight.  The life is not lessened because of the stress; it is enriched as I learn how much I want what I want, how much I love what I love, how much I fear what I fear.  It is the moment of noticing. 

In the end, I review my weekend. It was fun, fun except for the black mark of our fight. Is it too bad it wasn't consistent bliss. Fake, peace-at-all-costs bliss, but bliss nonetheless?


I don't think so.  I might feel a little sad today, the discord still gripping my thoughts.  But I am left with the commitment, the life with a person that cannot always be pretty and cheery.  This is when I know.  I will be him forever.  It was worth the fight.

If you enjoyed this blog, please utilize the other resources at http://www.neadinspiration.com/ and listen to Liz's radio show at http://www.desmoineslocallive.com/ called "Skywalk Talk," from 11:00-12:30 cst, M-F. Liz Nead is committed to helping you succeed!